Ladders

Today my company took part in the United Way Day of Caring. I guess it’s been going on for a couple weeks, but today Thermo Fisher chimed in. This is when perfectly able people leave their very important jobs for a day to help those in need. I originally wasn’t going to take part because I was already planning to be gone from my job for a very important week of vacation, but dates changed, vacation cancelled; now I have to care.

I was assigned to clean a lady’s gutters down in New Market. Great, I thought. Spend the morning working outside helping someone instead of sitting at my desk blogging and pretending to work.

I asked Thermo for a ladder. First I was told this would be no problem, which it did indeed turn out not to be. In the 24 hours it took to get the ladder however there was a crisis, a disappearing man, and I was informed that ladder borrowing was highly unorthodox because - here we go - anyone who uses a ladder must go through training.

Excuse me? Training to use a ladder? This must be litigious, corporate America. I got my ladder without having to sign anything however because, well, I’m unorthodox.

In the interim I thought it would be helpful to have some trash bags on hand so I don’t litter this woman’s gutter guts all over her yard. I managed to get one of the directors to let me into the broom closet (here only directors can do such a thing) and get some trash bags. He handed them over with the admonishment, “Don’t let Dickie see you with those,” implying that there would be some sort of trash bag count and we could both be in deep trouble.

Really? Training to climb a ladder? A trash bag Nazi? What kind of place is this? How does this company manage to participate in Day of Caring every year?

How do you care without trash bags? HOW DO YOU CARE WITHOUT A TRASH BAG?