The Thing About Being a Horse

No, there's a thing about being healthy as a horse. I've never been a horse. But I'd try.

When you're healthy as a horse you don't get sick days. That is, you're never sick. Horses know this of course and have perfected the art of the cough. This is an outward sign of sickness that a horse affects to get out of work. We call these whinnies and neighs, but really they're just little signals that say "Nope, I can't pull that right now I'm ... ahem ... sick."

Healthy as a horse? No sick days. The sick days are down on paper but you never get to utilize them because you're a horse. You see where I'm going here. Today I'm shrugging. Or neighing. Or at least I called in and told my boss I'm hoarse. This work horse just became one of those pot-bellied Shetlands that stands around and eats all day. The kind with the really long tails. You know the ones.

The other thing about being a horse is that your friends think you're some sort of health nut. What with your long sinewy legs and your healthy horse rump. A horse can't order a salad without some red-head* nearby translating the act to be public commentary on the importance of eating healthy. "The body is a temple..." she says in a mocking tone. Is it? I don't know anything about it. I just like to eat foliage.


*Does not have to be a red-head. These red-heads show up in many colors. Chestnut or Palomino for example.